I run a farm with my family in Custer, Washington. A love of the outdoors is something I inherited from my father. He passed away at the end of February, as the coronavirus pandemic continued to spread across our state. It isn’t easy to be a parent and grieving a parent at the same time, but like everyone else, we have to find ways to cope.

If you pay close attention, you can see when people are struggling and I think we have forgotten to pay attention.

We lost someone who was a sounding board in our lives​.

When my dad just passed away, it was not pretty. Grief is all-consuming. It’s like I can’t shake it off. And it’s very… it’s just heavy. And, you know, at this point, part of that is because the grief is so early and part of it is because of the same situation we are all in right now.

People told me grief comes in waves, they lied. It is like a heavy blanket, and I can’t shake it off.

It can feel like you’re walking through knee-deep mud and you just can’t get out. I have kind of figured out that it’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to grieve and to be frustrated, and it’s OK to be upset with the situation. But I have little eyes watching me and I want them to know that I’m grieving Papa, but I don’t want them to see me laying in bed all day long, which is something I could easily do. And so I have to keep walking.